I’m trying to settle a disagreement between two of my friends. One is remodeling her home and the other is an architect. I convinced my remodeling friend to hire the architect to help her create the perfect plans.
I thought they’d work well together.
I was wrong.
Relationships aren’t always as they seem
Last week I sent my remodeling friend an e-mail to ask her how things were going with the architect. She sent me a one-page e-mail describing everything that had gone wrong with the project. She couldn’t understand why I would have a friend as nasty and unprofessional as my architect friend.
Crap!
I had no idea how unhappy she was or what was going on.
How you communicate makes all the difference
When I suggested that my friends work together, what I didn’t count on was their lack of good communication. The architect likes to talk on the phone and meet in person with clients, while my remodeling friend wants to handle her house project through e-mail.
E-mail is a phenomenal way to communicate and save time, but it’s easy to misinterpret what someone writes. You may think you’re making your point clearly, while the other person is thinking something completely opposite.
Meeting face to face and seeing the other person’s expression, can change the way a conversation goes. By hearing someone’s response on the other end of the line, you can tell right away whether or not you’ve offended someone.
Sometimes you have to involve others
My friends had been working on this project for weeks, but neither of them mentioned anything to me about the problems they were having working together.
The architect didn’t feel comfortable divulging information about her client (kind of like the client/patient confidentiality regulations in medicine) and my remodeling friend didn’t want me to feel bad for recommending a friend of mine who wasn’t working out for her.
After I read my remodeling friend’s “architect from hell” e-mail, I called the architect to ask her what was going on. She explained a few things to me and then everything made sense.
When I hung up with the architect, I called my other friend and explained a few things about how remodeling projects work. She said that she felt better.
I’m not involved with the project but I feel responsible for making sure their working relationship gets back on track.
Move forward or move on
Both of my friends agree that until the project is finished, they’ll have to meet in person and talk on the phone more. Their next meeting is next week and I’ll be there too.
I’ve always followed the advice “don’t do business with friends,” but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop recommending my friends to each other. It’s worked out well other times.
What I have stopped doing, however, is fixing up one friend with another. That never works.
