Would you do a favor for a friend or for someone in your family?
Depending on the favor and the friend or family member, most of us would. Sometimes, though, the favor isn’t worth the aggravation it causes.
Last year, a friend asked me to look at the plans for her new house and to give her ideas for improving them. As a favor to her, I spent two hours reviewing her plans and gave her several suggestions. After her architect made the changes, she asked me to look at the plans again. I spent another hour looking at them (still part of the favor) and made a few more changes.
When she called two months later to ask me to help her pick out lighting, with an offer to buy me lunch, I said no. She had crossed the line from asking a favor to taking advantage of my time and expertise.
After that experience, I’ve changed the way I do business with friends and family. Consider these tips for avoiding a similar (uncomfortable) situation.
Decide ahead of time how you’ll respond
At some point in your business life, when you least expect it, a friend or relative will call to ask you for a favor (translation: free services or products). That’s when you have three choices: you could charge them your normal rate, give them a discount, or turn down the business altogether. If you haven’t already received that type of call, eventually you will. Know in advance how you’re going to respond.
Realize that mixing business with pleasure doesn’t always work
If you’ve ever committed to doing something for a friend or relative and later felt a knot in your stomach, go with that feeling. Oftentimes, mixing business with pleasure is like holding a candle to a gas heater. Someone is bound to explode.
Don’t be afraid to be direct
It’s important to be clear about the way you do business with friends or relatives. If your friends or family call to ask for your services or products, let them know that you appreciate their call, then explain your business policy. Agreeing to do something you don’t want to do isn’t worth the possibility of losing a friend or alienating your family.
For some people, working with family or friends is time-consuming, aggravating and simply not worth it. The key is to figure out your “working with friends or relatives” policy and then stick with it.
Remember what your time and expertise is worth. If you don’t value either one, how do you expect others to do the same, especially when they’re worth more than a free lunch.
Do you have any friends or family who have crossed the business favor line? Please share your comments below.
It wasn’t exactly a business favor (as far as being remotely related to my line of work) but an expectation of services nonetheless. I have a friend whose cat responds well to me. Often she has asked me to cat sit for her which entailed my temporary relocation to her home. At first I volunteered out of empathy and the prospect of enjoying feline company (in the absence of my former pets). Then I became the go-to person for her – she started referencing me as “Aunt So & So” to the cat, and comparing my great relationship with the cat to the poor relationships it has with others. When her requests became more frequent and adopted tone of expectation, I started to regret my generosity and resent our friendship. The final time I agreed to cat sit, I switched it up and asked that instead she relocate the cat to my place, hoping for more convenience. I must say, I had concerns over its adaptation to a new environment. I used to work at a vet’s office years ago during college and I’ve owned enough pets to know they do not always adjust well to sitters let alone new environments. The cat did fine, but given its chronic medical condition, I had a lot of aftermath cleanup which annoyed me and disrupted my home office. That did it! The friend has since asked me to cat sit and I declined citing lame but honest excuses. It’s unlike my nature to be passive aggressive so I’m only giving myself agita by not being direct. I’ve concluded the next time she asks that I will advise her to no longer consider me an available resource and stop treating me like the cat’s alternate owner.
It’s not easy to turn down a friend, but you definitely have a few good reasons to say no. Sometimes people don’t realize when they’ve crossed the line and are taking advantage of a friend. At the point your friend realizes the bad position she’s putting you in, things will change.